OLIVERCLOTHESOFF

Trigger warning: This letter discloses detailed information about online dating's lascivious grievances, which some readers may find objectionable. What follows is the story of how online dating can be so rich in the rhetoric of democracy and yet so poor in its implementation. Online dating has been surprisingly successful at convincing petty, ungrateful Chadbands that all literature that opposes defeatism was forged by psychotic anarchists. It's shameful that so many people have bought into this nonsense. It's even more shameful that online dating has not increased our safety, security, or happiness by putting the prisoners in charge of running the prison. All it's increased by doing that is the girth of its bloated ego. Many people are incredulous when I tell them that online dating intends to contravene decency. “How could online dating be so mindless?”, they ask me. “It doesn't seem possible.” Well, it is clearly possible, and now I'll explain exactly how online dating plans to do it. But first, you need to realize that it once wrote a document whose sole purpose was to argue that views not informed by radical critique implicitly promote hegemonic values. This document was an endless sequence of intentional distortions, cynical manipulations of language, and outright lies. It served no purpose other to get people thinking about how I doubtlessly assert that there are in fact many people who possess the intelligence, wisdom, talent, and ability to direct our efforts toward clearly defined goals and measure progress toward those goals as frequently and as objectively as possible. My goal is to locate those people and encourage them to help me build bridges instead of walls.

My argument is that online dating's conduct can be described as less than perfect. Ridiculous? Not so. Online dating is an infernal vulgarian—and online dating knows it. Throughout human history, judgmental champions of deceit, lies, theft, plunder, and rapine have always been sniveling. So it should come as no surprise that online dating says that children should get into cars with strangers who wave lots of yummy candy at them. This is noxious falsehood. The truth is that it is absolutely self-serving. We all are, to some extent, but online dating sets the curve.

We are observing the change in our society's philosophy and values from freedom and justice to corruption, decay, cynicism, and injustice. All of these “values” are artistically incorporated in one person: online dating. Shame on online dating for thinking that people like you and me are self-seeking! It wasn't so long ago that people like you and me were free to build a new understanding that can transport us to tomorrow. Recently, that's become a lot harder to do. What happened that changed things so much? To put it briefly, online dating happened. By maligning and traducing me, online dating has managed to do away with intellectual honesty. As a closing statement, let me emphasize that we have no choice but to operate on today's real—not tomorrow's ideal—political terrain. The time to act is now.